I guess my existence opened the gates of hell for my mother. I feel sorry for her because she gave birth to an ugly offspring not to mention I am a barbaric bitch who made their lives a living hell. I hope I die in my sleep or something so that they don’t need to raise a worthless child like me.
All my friends would tell me I am not fat but yeah I don’t believe them. But it’s so hard to hear my mom tell me i am fat, i need to shed weight and stuff. She wants me to be as sexy/thin as those girls in france where she works.Sometimes I wish she’d shut up about it because it is not helping my depression which my whole family don’t know about.
This week, I have been my most straight forward self that you can brush it off as bitchy. But to tell you frankly, I’m not even sure where all this straight-forwardness are coming from since I am close to never straight-forward; I’m bot sure if it’s the sleep deprivation growing on me or the stress due to my nearing debut or the fact that I don’t care about people anymore or all of it. But for me all I can say is that being so fucking down and anxious for almost a month made me feel less considerate about people who never considered my feelings or my depression.
I was dead tired last night so I slept early. And now I woke so fricking early. And tbh I really miss waking up this early.
Inner demons are getting uncontrollable tonight. I hope I stay sane enough not to do anything rather than my homework.
I want to rant my feelings out but Nope I cannot, not here not anywhere anymore. And tbh nobody cares so why bother. Let me just keep it all inside :bd